Not meant to be about anyone in particular. Only me and myself.

From the complications of loving you
I think there is no end or return.
No answer, no coming out of it.

Which is the only way to love, isn't it?
This isn't a playground, this
earth, our heaven, for a while.

Therefore I have given precedence
to all my sudden, sullen, dark moods
that hold you in the center of my world.

And I say to my body: grow thinner still.
And I say to my fingers, type me a pretty song.
And I say to my heart: rave on. 


-Mary Oliver, "A pretty Song"






I'm not thinking about anyone particularly who I've loved in the past or who I love now when I fall in love with this poem. More than anything its the last line. I've encountered a lot of grief this weekend, from a dear friend as well as facing that within myself once again, as always it seems lately. I'm trying to be very present and opened to my journey, to let my heart feel what it needs to feel in this place and moment, to learn and then to step back.


I feel like I'm coming into myself in a way I have not in a long time. Last year I came into myself by falling head over heels hard in love in a way I never thought possible. The year before it was a lot of discovery about what it is I am good at, where I fit into organizations and groups. Today... well I don't know what I'm coming into. We never do till we're through. 


I know that I am following my emotions, my gut, my opened and graceful heart, which raves and draws me to crazy places and things. But here I am. Here I am.